What's Expected of a Wedding Night?
by Xanthe1
Summary: We all know about Roald and Shink's shyness problem, so what happens on their wedding night? The title is used excessively throughout the first chapter. Ch 5 up!
1. In which there are minimatches

What's Expected of a Wedding Night?  
  
Prince Roald of Conte and Princess Shinkokami of the Yamani Islands walked silently through the deserted halls of the palace. Everyone else was still downstairs at the ball. They could faintly hear the music and laughter wafting up the stairs. Their steps were cautious; they stood a few feet apart from each other, staring straight ahead with blank eyes. Shinko glanced at Roald. He is quite attractive, she thought, eyeing the way his shoulders filled out his blue tunic. A blue that matched his eyes . . . But we don't even know each other. What's going to happen once we get to his - our room? What's expected of a wedding night? She sighed, causing Roald to look up at her. Their eyes locked for a moment, causing them both to blush. The princess quickly looked down again, trying to keep her cool. Roald kept looking at her, admiring the way her long black hair swished whenever she took a step. She isn't like I expected her to be. She's smart, and she fights well. We might actually get along. But what about tonight? We haven't really talked all that much yet, how are we going to sleep in the same bed, or *coughcough* do anything in the same bed? What's expected of a wedding night?  
  
A/N: Yes, I do mean to use the phrase "What's expected of a wedding night?" repeatedly. That's why it's called that. Because that's what Roald and Shinko are wondering. That's the point of the story. So don't yell at me! *Hides behind hot pizza guy*  
  
Keladry of Mindelan and Neal of Queenscove tiptoed up the winding stairs, careful to skip the ones that creaked. They had left the ball unnoticed, most people were drunk and those who weren't were having too much fun anyway to notice two squires slipping through the back door. They were slightly drunk themselves, having been guests instead of serving. Kel involuntarily let out a soft giggle, which escalated to a laugh, until she was laughing so hard she was crying. By this time, Neal had caught on and they were doubled over, nearly falling down on top of each other. "Ssshhh," Neal put his finger to his lips, motioning for her to be quiet. "Okay!" she replied in a loud whisper. "Oops," she added as an afterthought. "No, I'm serious, Kel. We don't want them to hear us," he whispered. "You're right, Neal. They've probably reached the room by now, though." He nodded in agreement. "Let's go," and they went back to silently creeping toward the hall.  
  
They stopped dead in front of the door. After a moment they looked at each other. "Is this it," Shinko asked, her voice weaker than she had planned. "Ye-" Roald's voice was no more than mouthing. He cleared his throat. "Yes," he replied, slowly taking a key out of his pocket. She kept her eyes pasted on the key as Roald slowly fit it into the lock on the door. Their eyes widened when the key was all the way in. Roald swallowed and carefully twisted it to the side to unlock the door. As it clicked, they both winced. He pushed the door open to reveal a large room furnished with dark mahogany furniture.  
  
Roald motioned for her to go in first, and she smiled, though it was strained, and some of the tension broke. She carefully stepped into the dark room, surveying it through the dim light from the outer corridor. He made is way to a desk in the corner of the room, fumbling for mini-matches to light candles. He found some in a drawer and tried in vain to light it with the box. Shinko saw his trouble and purposefully stepped over, glad to have something to do. She gently tugged the box and match out of his grip and with one fast stroke lit the match afire. As she handed it back to him, their fingers touched for a moment. They pulled away instantly, as if their fingers touching had made its own spark. Nervously, Roald started lighting candles, and as he did so, Shinko could see more of the room. It was beautiful, with big windows and a high ceiling. There was a desk, a wardrobe, two dressers, and - a bed. Shinko stared at it; it was huge, dark wood, with plush silk sheets and covers. She apprehensively ran her fingers through her hair, trying to think of something to do with her hands. Why do I have to be so shy? Why can't I just talk to him? If we're going to rule a country together we might as well be friends at least. But she couldn't bring herself to utter a word. Shinko turned around to see Roald had finished lighting candles. He turned around and stared at Shinko. She stared back. They stared at each other for who knows how long, until a random blast of wind out of nowhere slammed the door shut. They started, snapped out of their space-out. Come on, Roald. You can do it. Talk to the pretty lady. Talk to your wife, the woman you're going to see practically every day for the rest of your life. It can't be that hard. Come on! But Roald, like Shinko, was shy, and couldn't think of anything to say. They had another little staring contest, and before they thought they were going to scream from the tension, they heard muffled voices outside the doorway. Curious, they crept toward it. When they were near, Roald crouched down and saw two pairs of feet in front of the door. "We have an audience," he mouthed to her. Shinko smirked and peered through the keyhole. What she saw didn't surprise her. "Kel and Neal," she mouthed back. "An unstable Kel and Neal, from the looks of it." Roald smirked too, amused. They leaned into the door when they heard whispers. "You think they're here?" "Of course they're here. Where else would they go?" "It seems awfully quiet in there. I'd expect more noises, from what I hear about wedding nights." Roald and Shinko looked at the floor, faces red. "Kel! I never thought I'd hear you say something like that!" "Yeah, well, you know what they say about wedding nights. Everyone goes a little crazy." A pause, then they heard a thud, and Kel and Neal's suppressed (or so they thought) laughter. "Here Kel lemme help ya up." "Aw, Neal. You're sweeeeeeeeeeeet! Heeehee! *Hiccup!*" "Now let's see if we can hear anything." "Okay!" They could hear the drunken squires position themselves leaning on the door, so their ears were close as possible to it. Those two. She let out a deep sigh, and heard Kel - or was it Neal? - Giggle on the other side of the door. This gave her an idea. Looks like Neal and Kel know what's expected of a wedding night. We wouldn't want to disappoint them. 


	2. Disclaimer! Frogirl!

Ack! Forgot disclaimer! Disclaimer: All characters are TP's A/N: This story is dedicated to my friend Angie (aka Frogirl), cuz she luvs Roald. By the way, Frogirl, I think you definitely need to admit that Someone-I- Shall-Not-Name is a scary little tarzan-man. And you can get Roald to 'drop his suit.' 


	3. Boots and pants which smell like maps

What's Expected of a Wedding Night?: Chappie 2 Disclaimer: duh  
  
A/N: Oh, you're all so wonderful! *sniff, sniff* Because of your thoughtful reviews, I will continue with this messed up story. Yep, I know Kel's a bit OOC, but hey, can't she have a little fun sometimes?  
  
Thump, thump, thump. "What's that?" Kel whispered. "It sounds like thumping," Neal replied, eyes wide. "Oh! What could be causing it?" Kel asked, seemingly awestruck. "Maybe it's a monster!" "Ooh . . . . what kind of monster?" "The kind that catches eavesdroppers," answered a deep voice. "Neal, I see boots in front of me," Kel remarked confusedly. "Why are they there?" She slowly moved her eyes up until her neck hurt. "Raoul!" she punched his arm. "Where have you been? Where's *Buri*?" She asked suggestively. "Why are you two here?" They noticed Alanna for the first time. Neal dropped to his knees and hugged her around the waist. "Mother, I'm hungry!" Alanna made a face. "Get off me, Neal. Go talk to Kel." "Raoul!" exclaimed Kel again. "Okay, mother dearest," Neal said, and crawled over to Kel. "Your leg smells good," he remarked, clinging to her. "Like . . . . . maps." "Whose room is this?" asked Alanna. Kel grinned. "Roald and Shink's." Raoul and Alanna looked indignant. "Well why didn't you tell us before? Let me hear!" and they pushed their way to the door, plastering their ears to it. With all of Neal, Kel, Alanna, and Raoul's combined weight, the door was under a lot of pressure, which caused it to creak. Shinko and Roald jumped back, falling onto the bed. "Did you hear that?" they heard on the opposite end of the door. "Sounds like someone's busy!" "I hope Shink has a necklace1!" why does Kel have to be so drunk *now*? Shinko thought to herself, her hand automatically flying to the chain around her neck. "WHAT?" chorused Neal and Raoul. "Never you mind," Alanna didn't explain. "Women stuff." Neal shuddered. "What, are you afraid of girls?" asked Kel, pinning him to a wall. "Not you, pretty lady. I know you'll be gentle with me." Kel replied, "Is it worth it? Lemme work it!" Roald fell off the bed. They could hear Raoul's voice, "Guys, shut up! I heard some . . . banging in there." By now the newlywed's faces matched the color of Paraguay on some maps. (Really red.) "I have an idea," Shink mouthed to Roald. "What?" he whispered, getting up again. "Those four," she jerked her head toward the door, "obviously expect some amusement from tonight." Roald nodded, sitting down next to her. Wow, he really does have nice eyes . . . . "Shinkokami?" "Sorry! What? Oh yeah, so we wouldn't want to let them down, right?" Roald licked his lips nervously. "Right." "So, we give them what they want." The prince seemed paralyzed. "Roald?" "Sorry! What? Oh yeah. So what do we, um, do?" "Blue is such a pretty color-what? Oh yeah, we fake it!" He let out a breath. "Good idea. Because I mean, I wouldn't-if you didn't- er, never mind." "Okay, so, um, you start!" "Fine. Um," he started talking out loud. "Oh, Shinko, how, um, you are such a beautiful woman, you take my breath away!" In a whisper: "Was that good?" "Be more confident, like this: Oh, Roald, what wonderful abs you have, they are like six, um, sections of delicious muscle!" "Good," Roald approved admiringly. "My Yamani Princess, your lips are like the sweetness of granulated sugar (not the powdered kind, it's nasty) against mine. Please, kiss me all over, so I will be forever good-tasting!" "Nice," said Shink. "Oh my bold Tortallan knight, please let me rip your clothes off so I can feel your sexy, muscled body against mine!" Roald fell off the bed again. "Ow! Er, I mean, how could I not, when I long for you so!" "Now moan or something," she told him. "Ohhhhh! Oh my!" Shink reached a hand down to him. "Thanks," he muttered, getting up. "Oh, I have an idea!" "What?" asked Shink. "Let's jump on the bed." "Good idea!" So they got up and started jumping on the bed. This produced creaking sounds, which produced clapping from their perverted (or drunk) listeners. They made 'noises' for a while, then stopped and listened for movement on the other side of the door. They heard nothing. Shink opened the door cautiously. No one was outside. "I wonder where they went," she said. "Beats me."  
  
Next chappie will be Neal and Kel and Alanna and Raoul's POV while Roald and Shink were 'doing their thing'. Way to say 'pregnancy charm' in front of your parents  
  
There you go, Cami; some nice, non-fluffy, drunk fun between Kel and Neal. More coming up!  
  
The phrase, "Is it worth it, lemme work it," is from "Work It" by Missy Elliott.  
  
Oh, by the way, I guess this is if Kel never made her plan in 'Squire.'  
  
Wow, this story seems to be getting more psycho with each sentence. I'm trying my hardest not to make it one of those pure chaos fics. It has a plot, I swear it does!  
  
Luv you all! 


	4. Free Porn! CHEESE!

What's Expected of a Wedding Night: Chapter 3  
  
Disclaimer: Nah, too lazy.  
  
A/N: M'kay, this chappie is Neal, Kel, Alanna, and Raoul's POV from where we leave them in chap 2. Sorry it's so short and I don't think it's as good as the others. Paragraphs this time!  
  
"Guys, shut up! I heard some . . . . . banging in there," said Raoul. They all listened. There was whispering, then they heard Roald's voice, "Oh, Shinko, how, um, you are such a beautiful woman, you take my breath away!" "What kind of line is that?" asked Neal. "Better than yours," replied Kel. Neal's lower lip quivered, his face screwed up. "You're all so mean to me!" "Oh, poor baby, I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you *somehow*!" Kel soothed, "After this." Neal's face went back to its usual state of goofy stupidity. "Oh, Roald, what wonderful abs you have, they are like six, um, sections of delicious muscle!" they heard Shink yell. "Oh, yeah," the four approved. "My Yamani princess, your lips are like granulated sugar (not the powdered kind, it's nasty) against mine. Please kiss me all over, so I am forever good-tasting!"And Shink's reply: "Oh my bold Tortallan knight, please let me rip your clothes off so I can feel your sexy, muscled body against mine!" "And she looked so innocent and sweet," Alanna said. "Hey!" protested Neal. "I *like* powdered sugar!" "How could I not, when I long for you so!" was Roald's reply. Then they heard moaning and bedsprings creaking. "Free porn!" they all cried out at once, and started clapping.  
  
They listened for a while, then Raoul said, "This is getting boring." "Yeah," agreed Neal. "Plus Kel has to make up that mean comment to me." "Can't forget about that," added Kel. "And I'm still hungry." "Let's go to the kitchen," suggested Kel. "Okay," said Neal. So off they went, Kel walking and Neal crawling next to her, smelling her pants. "Neal, why do you like my pants so much?" "Because they smell like maps!" "Why do you like maps?" "Because I can see where *places* are on them!" "Oh! Do you want my pants?" Neal jumped up and down ecstatically, clapping his hands like a three-year-old. (A/N: much like my mom at a play.) "Yes, pleeeeze, Kel, can I have them?" "Sure, Neal, I hope that's enough to make up for me hurting your feelings before." "Of course it is! Now gimme!" and he started tugging them down. Kel, being drunk and horny, let him. "Okay, now can we go get food?" she asked. But Neal was too absorbed in smelling her pants to respond, so she dragged him along.  
  
"Well Raoul, what do you want to do now?" "I don't know. Want to spy on Jon and Thayet?" "Okay!" approved Alanna. "Let's see if she's better than I was." So they started up the stairs to the Royal chambers.  
  
"Want some cheese?" Neal looked intrigued. "Cheese?" Kel explained, "Yes Neal, cheese! That creamy white liquid-no wait, never mind." She thought for a moment. "Though it does taste similar . . . . . . ."  
  
I don't know what to do with Alanna and Raoul! Help me, please! Yes, Kel is horny. I don't know why I made her that way. Oh well. And Neal seems to be regressing in intelligence. Review, my pets! NO FLAMES! This will result in me swearing in Finnish. 


	5. Dirty!

What's Expected of a Wedding Night?  
  
Sososo Sorry for not updating for so long! I was so busy with all this school crap. And writing more for my other story, Devi, which I would be very grateful if you read. Oh, and review this, too! P.S. it might get a bit. dirty. (Teeheehee!)  
  
"Where do you think they went?" asked Roald of Shink. "I have no idea." She laughed. "I guess even *they* eventually got tired of hearing people having sex. Er, well, what they thought was.. yeah." They blushed and fidgeted a moment before Roald mustered (which I hate!) the courage to ask, "What do you want to do now?" Shink looked up in amazement. "Sure! Oh, wait-um, I don't know. I'm actually kind of hungry." "Me, too. Let's go down to the kitchens." They still walked at least two feet apart, but on the way to eat, they joked about how they couldn't believe their friends had bought their little "performance" and how drunk Kel and Neal were.  
  
When they arrived in front of the door, they jumped back immediately. It seems they had been about to walk in on.. something. "Neal, HARDER, HARDER!!! FASTER!" Shink looked at the door, shock all over her face, and then burst out in silent but big laughter. Roald was still a bit flabbergasted at hearing two of his best friends, "doing the nasty," but soon joined her in choking guffaws. "Gods, Neal! How *long* is this going to *take*?" "Well, apparently *this* can take *very* long, considering this is me we're talking about." "That's not what I meant! You're such a slow- poke." "But I thought *poking* isn't polite." "Oh, shut up! Just let me be on top!" "No! It makes me get motion sickness!" "And after that beautiful blow-job I gave you.." "It wasn't *that* good.." "Oh, yes it was! Remember how I practiced on that strawberry? (Luv ya, Angie!) When I was done, it was just a slightly transparent skin! No wonder your dick can't do shit now!" "Now that is just too much! I'll show you how good I can ram my-" At this point, Roald and Shink ran down the hall, not desiring to hear the last part of that sentence.  
  
After running, extremely frightened, through a series of halls, they finally slowed down and stopped, leaning against the wall to regain their breath. Roald asked between huffs, "Where*gasp* do you want *gasp* to go now?" "I'm still hungry, but I really don't think it would be a good idea to go in the kitchens for at least a week," Shink answered. "This may sound kind of gross, but- we could go down to the ballroom and see what food's left from the feast." "Okay!"  
  
Hmm, dirty! I probably won't do any smut, though, sorry. I think I'm only capable of writing foreplay, (I'm sure everyone wanted to know that!) so, ya, but I still probably won't for this story. *Rests head on fist and thinks* (SCULPTURE POSE!) Maybe I won't even make Roald and Shink screw. Wouldn't that be evil? Hmm.. we'll see. As always, REVIEW!  
  
You know you love me,  
  
~Xanthie~ 


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